Bad Religion

"If you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing."

This was something I posted a couple days ago as my Facebook status. Obviously, I meant it to be extremely tongue in cheek. But, in my fever crippled haze the last several days, I wondered about my relationship with God/Christ/The Church as a whole.



To be perfectly honest, my relationship with God/Christ/The Church has been going downhill that last several years. Maybe downhill isn't the best term, its more like I've been on a divergent path. I'm not switching religions or anything like that, nor am I going the absence of religion route. I just feel disconnected to God right now.

I know a lot of it started because of my last "home" church. Its not that it was a bad place, and I am eternally thankful that it is where I came to Christ. I came away from there with two of my dearest friends. However, I think it just wasn't the right place for me to grow as a Christian. And there are a lot of reasons for that. One, it was a Korean church, and that throws in a cultural/social aspect that I don't know that's necessarily good. Two, I was such the opposite of many people that went to church there.

The other major factor in my current issue with my faith is the continuing balkanization of Christians in the United States. I don't have a problem with any group asserting their political views in the system. Its what makes America great. However, it pains me to see it stray so far from what I have percieved Christianity to be when I first came to it. The most hateful, vitriolic, close-minded people I have encountered in the past 3 years, have all be Christians. How do I know this? They proclaim it loudly and vehemently. This sort of proclamation is normally a good thing, to be unashamed about one's faith. But their righteousness causes me to withdraw more from my own worship.

So where am I with the Big Guy? I dunno? Its not like we're at a detente or anything. I just feel kind of ambivalent towards the whole thing right now. I don't feel Him in my life. Maybe I'm not allowing myself to be filled, I dunno. I guess nothing to do but move on and keep the faith, I suppose.