Breaking up with the parents.

I want to break up with my parents.

"Its not you, its me."

I am a wretched son. And I know this. Which is why I think it would be better for my parents if I broke up with them. I don't think they should spend their twilight years worrying about me. Seems like an incredible waste of time.

No, I am not suicidal. Far from it. I still have alot of life to lead, and I look forward to it.

I just think my folks would be better off with out me.

Hairstyles.

So, as of late, I've been shaving my head weekly. I haven't been shaving it smooth, but I've been buzzing it with a clipper. No guard.

Now, I admit, as the Chicago winter enters full swing, this is not the best haircut to have. The wind is my enemy, and a couple times I have wondered if my ears were going to fall off. Granted, this could be easily alleviated by a hat or ear muffs, however, I think I've adequately demonstrated that I am not that smart.

I'm not sure what I like so much about having a shaved head. I'll be honest, I'm sure it has to do with the face that having less hair makes my face look skinnier. Or maybe I enjoy looking like Uncle Fester while harboring delusion that maybe I look like a younger Korean Bruce Willis. Or, I am secretly self concious about the amount of white hair I have.

Anyway, its been much easier to not have hair. But Yoojin, I promise to have some hair at your wedding.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

Its funny how I'm more athletic now than I was when I was younger. Wait, let me rephrase, I have a greater desire to be more athletic now than when I was younger. I'm not sure why. I've always been a lazy person, maybe because its even a minimal level of athleticism is harder now then when I was 20.

However, I am well aware that I can't undertake some of the same activities I did when I was younger. Taekwondo, is pretty much out for me. I just can't see myself getting that flexibility and speed back anymore. So what do I do?

I'm definitely going to get back into biking. Although, certain siutations are preventing me from getting the bike I want temporarily. I hope this gets resolved before the weather gets warm.

But I'm wondering if my mom was right about me not fighting anymore. Not street, but MMA. It is pretty hard on my body, which feels like its breaking down all the time. Right now I'm on a break as I rehab my ankles and just get back into shape from not being able to do anything for about 2 1/2 months. So its going to be a slow porcess for me to get back into it. But I'm looking forward to it.

Its much easier, and enjoyable to get back into shape than maintain it. So we'll see how things go.

The slippery slope of K-pop.

So, I bought a K-Pop album. I'm trying to remember the last time this happened. I think it was 1996 and I bought Kim Gun Mo 4. Or, I might have bought some CD for the 2002 World Cup. Either way, its been a while. Now, I have some Korean punk and Korean hip-hop albums, but its not really the same thing since those artists aren't mainstream.

I have this love/hate relationship with K-Pop. Mainly because listneing to K-Pop, leads to watching K-dramas, and it will cause me to crave a relationship with some Korean community that I know I will regret in the end. I am honestly quite satisfied as it is my relationship with the Korean community being limited to "That's the place I go to get food. And maybe a date."

But damnit, the song is catchy.

I heart boobs.

I love boobs.

That's all.

Yes, there is the temptation to put up a gratuitous image, or wax longwindered and psuedo-poetically about breasts. Nope.

I just love them.

That is all.

Grey. Gray? Yay! No? Meh.

Lately the days are like an unfullfilling kiss.

Its not the kiss you give your wife, or gf. Or does it generate the anticipation of that first kiss. Or even the urgency of a drunken kiss based on passion.

It feels like a kiss bereft of any passion, or even loathing. It emobies what the true physical basis of what a kiss is. 2 fleshy body parts squishing together.

It is the regretful kiss. The one you make and you know, nothing is there. Not even the desire for physical fulfillment.

Everything moves around me, at a far greater speed. Feels like I'm moving very slow. I am arrhytmic to this city.

Slow Machines - The Gold Medalists from bernard badion on Vimeo.

Intramurals, Brother!

Its funny how a college football coach could do a Hulk Hogan impersonation, and I was filled with optimism and hope for my alma mater's football time. This was 3 years ago.

But for the last 3 years, I have watched my beloved alma mater flounder on the gridiron. And as we are on the cusp of starting a new era at the University of Colorado, with the Pac 12 next year. I am relieved they relieved Coach Hawkins of his duties.

When The Cold Wind Blows.

Its starting to get cold here. I'm not the biggest fan of how Chicago doesn't seem to have much of a fall. On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure if Denver had much of a fall. Actually, I struggle to remember alot of Denver. I'm not sure if this is due to advancing age, or because its been....several years since I've been back.

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't been back. I think I have had several opportunities to do so. I'm just not that good about visiting my parents or my friends.

This leads me to the conclusion that given my reticence to move, that I'll end up living the rest of my life in Chicago. I don't really have an issue with this with a couple of caveats:

1. The winters here do suck. They suck so much, I don't know how to express it. Never in my whole life have I been afraid of walking around a corner because of whatever unGodly, sub-Arctic wind will blow into me. Colorado winters are very casual and mild compared to Chicago. When I moved here for the first time, I actually looked into military grade cold weather gear. And yes, I bought it, and thank goodness I did.

2. My child(ren) will be Chicago sports fans. With the exception of the Bulls and Blackhawks, I hate the other Chicago teams. In general I simply dislike the Chicago sports fan. However, I cannot impress my own fandom on my kids. I will take them to Cubs games and Bears games, and the like. However, for as long as they live under my roof, they will be getting items of Denver and Colorado clothing.


3. I will never go snowboarding on the regular again. It's just not feasible. I suppose I'd go when I visit my friends and family in Colorado, but to Hell with midwestern snowboarding/skiing. It is horrible out here. Mind you, this is an subjective assessment, its not like people come out and rape you as you're trying to get down slope. Its just icy, the runs are literally 30 seconds long, and the vertical drop from peak to base is only 200'.

But outside of that, I'm fine living here in Chicago. Besides, my last trip out to Denver, it was overrun with douchebags, a guy threatened to sodomize me and then he tried to stab me with a broken bottle.

Right to Arm Bears

The gun lobby, and the firearms rights organizations are primarily targeted towards right-wing Americans. And for the most part, it is these right wingers who are members of these organizations and are the ones who firmly believe in their 2nd Amendment rights. Why aren't there large concentrations of liberal, left wing Americans that are firearms owners?

It seems awfully irresponsbile for liberal America to just hang around, when there are people that are antithetical to their lifestyle arming themselves. Who is liberal America going to rely on, the military and police force to protect them? Well, those two groups tend to trend conservative anyway. As much as I know that many of those people very much hold dear and honor their duty to the Constitution and the citizenry, it doesn't hurt to be unprepared.

I beleive in liberal (as in left wing, not a damn aresenal) firearm ownership, simply because there are nutjobs on the right who beleive with their whole hearts that our Muslim non-American Socialist President represents a clear and present danger to the American way of life, and they are prepared with tactics and arms to either overthrow him, or fend off the destruction of the America. I'm assuming the liberals were planning to do this by making everyone marry gay people or have abortions based on what they fear.

So as the right wing suspiciously eyes brown people, or practices their marksmanship, the rest of liberal America chuckles over web clip of the Daily Show, writes ego-inflating reviews on Yelp, because they think they are foodies, or offers non-denominational prayers to no specific deity that the Obama Administration will pull it together. This seems like an extremely bad idea.

Dear libs, get some guns.

Bad Religion

"If you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing."

This was something I posted a couple days ago as my Facebook status. Obviously, I meant it to be extremely tongue in cheek. But, in my fever crippled haze the last several days, I wondered about my relationship with God/Christ/The Church as a whole.



To be perfectly honest, my relationship with God/Christ/The Church has been going downhill that last several years. Maybe downhill isn't the best term, its more like I've been on a divergent path. I'm not switching religions or anything like that, nor am I going the absence of religion route. I just feel disconnected to God right now.

I know a lot of it started because of my last "home" church. Its not that it was a bad place, and I am eternally thankful that it is where I came to Christ. I came away from there with two of my dearest friends. However, I think it just wasn't the right place for me to grow as a Christian. And there are a lot of reasons for that. One, it was a Korean church, and that throws in a cultural/social aspect that I don't know that's necessarily good. Two, I was such the opposite of many people that went to church there.

The other major factor in my current issue with my faith is the continuing balkanization of Christians in the United States. I don't have a problem with any group asserting their political views in the system. Its what makes America great. However, it pains me to see it stray so far from what I have percieved Christianity to be when I first came to it. The most hateful, vitriolic, close-minded people I have encountered in the past 3 years, have all be Christians. How do I know this? They proclaim it loudly and vehemently. This sort of proclamation is normally a good thing, to be unashamed about one's faith. But their righteousness causes me to withdraw more from my own worship.

So where am I with the Big Guy? I dunno? Its not like we're at a detente or anything. I just feel kind of ambivalent towards the whole thing right now. I don't feel Him in my life. Maybe I'm not allowing myself to be filled, I dunno. I guess nothing to do but move on and keep the faith, I suppose.

I am who I am. Flawed. And a diva?

So, I was thinking about this blog on the way to work this morning. I had ignroed it for sometime, and I haven't been posting a regularily as I should or do. So I decided to blow it up and start over again. Yes, boom goes the dynamite.

So we'll start off with an introduction I suppose. I suppose it serves a couple purposes. One, that it kind of update people who did read this regularily what I am up to now, and lets any bored person who stumbles upon this later to learn who I am.

Name: Mike C.

Age: 34. I admit, its much harsher when you actually have to acknowledge it.

Gender: Male

Occupation: Consultant/Project Lead

Location: Chicago, IL

Favorite Food: Brisket, any sort of smoked, slow cooked meat actually.

Favorite Music: Too many to list. My iPod is Bad Religion, Susie Suh, Jay-Z, The Clash, The Beatles, The Roots, Ben Folds, Ben Harper, Bon Iver, Blondie, The Cure, New Order, Erasure. It goes on and on.

Favorite Movies: Same boat.

Tattoos: 6 and counting.

I'll admit, I'm sometimes hot headed. Sometimes emo. Almost always inappropriate. I may not say it, but I'm thinking it.

OK. Gonna stop, as this is sounding like a personal ad. Anyway, I'll close with my song of the day. I dunno why this song is it, but when I listened to it, I imagined my friends' wedding, when they danced with each other. I dunno it makes me happy.